Ambition, drive, and focus may be signs of a person who is hard working and keen to develop a satisfying and successful career. Workaholism is very different from being hardworking, however, since it’s a compulsion to work excessively, at the expense of relationships, health and wellbeing. Rather than borne from healthy ambition, workaholism is often driven by difficulty disengaging, low self-worth, fear of failure and perfectionism, all of which suggest deeper struggles with identity and self-acceptance. Although many influences can contribute, the tendency to overwork is frequently rooted in adverse childhood experiences or trauma, where work becomes a coping strategy rather than a genuine expression of ambition.

Our early experiences with caregivers shape the way we see ourselves and how we relate to the world around us. Numerous factors can impact a child’s growing sense of self, such as whether caregivers were encouraging and accepting, as opposed to critical or rejecting, and if they provided children with a secure, healthy environment in which to develop. Children growing up with harsh, critical caregivers, for instance, learn very quickly that they are not enough and that what they do is never enough. Likewise, if love and acceptance were conditional, based on behaving well, achieving good grades, doing well in sport, etc, the child internalises the message that they are only worthy when they perform to a high standard. In addition, children growing up with neglectful, emotionally immature or unavailable parents may take on the role of caregiver, internalising the message that being responsible and capable underpins their value.  

Workaholics often enter therapy due to experiencing symptoms such as anxiety, insomnia, low mood, burnout, and so on, which inevitably hamper their ability to be productive and effective. Common themes which frequently emerge, however, are deep insecurity and unworthiness, hidden beneath a facade which is polished, confident and successful. High achievers often develop a false self as a way to protect them from vulnerability and earn the validation and acceptance they so crave, never having received this from caregivers. Sadly, the satisfaction received from achievement success is rarely long-lasting for such persons, as the ‘win’ is immediately followed by the desire to achieve the next goal.

The drive to maintain a ‘highflier’ persona often doubles as a way to keep difficult emotions at bay. When every day is packed with 12‑hour stretches of productivity, there’s little space left to feel inadequate or unworthy. In this way, overworking becomes less about achievement and doing something meaningful, and more about escaping uncomfortable emotions. Slowing down, however, can expose the feelings that busyness has been protecting such persons from, such as emptiness, shame, or a sense of not being enough. 

For someone who grew up using constant activity to cope with unmet emotional needs, rest can feel threatening rather than restorative, because it removes the distraction that kept those deeper feelings out of sight. Working long hours often comes at the expense of relationships, with such persons avoiding significant relationships altogether or keeping relationships very much on a surface level. Doing so avoids facing the risk of pain or rejection, or getting in touch with relational needs which were not met by significant others in childhood. Allowing yourself to ‘need’ another person, for instance, can be very scary and painful for someone who learnt to suppress such emotions.

It’s important to also keep in mind that someone with low self-worth often struggles to practice self-care, instead using work as a form of self-sabotage or punishment which leads to exhaustion, isolation and loneliness. 

If you have a tendency to overwork or have been described friends or family as a workaholic, it may be useful to take some important steps to break this unhealthy cycle. Some ideas include:

• Start working on your self‑worth – Therapy may be a good place to start this process and would involve understanding why you’re overworking, processing the emotions which have been repressed, and starting to build healthier coping patterns. An important part of the work will also involve separating identity from productivity.
• Rest and recharge – This may seem like a tall order, but this can be achieved through small steps, such as allowing yourself time to have breaks during your workday, creating boundaries outside working hours, reducing working hours incrementally, and so on.
• Noticing your emotional triggers – Start noticing what feelings precede bouts of overworking. that make overworking feel necessary. For instance, you may notice that you work more when feeling sad, or after having contact with certain family members.
• Build meaningful relationships – If you have a tendency to overwork, you may have grown apart from formerly close friends or family members. Take some time to check in with people in your life; make time for face-to-face contact; give people your undivided attention. It will take time and considerable effort, but the result will be stronger, more meaningful relationships.

If any of this feels familiar, talking with a mental health professional can help you gain clarity, support, and direction as you work toward a more balanced, satisfying and sustainable life.