Let’s face it, life can feel pretty unfair sometimes. On a global level, we see wars raging, people starving, acts of violence committed on innocent people, and we feel helpless to do anything about it. Closer to home, we may experience injustice in our family, workplace, friend group or local community, causing feelings of anger, disappointment and sadness. This is particularly the case if you feel you’re being wronged, and the person or persons at fault don’t care or appear to get away with their harmful behaviour.

Whilst the anger and disappointment you feel in response to injustice is natural, allowing these feelings to build up and fester can have a considerable impact on your physical and mental wellbeing. Therefore, I’d like to provide some guidance on how you can manage your thoughts and feelings around injustice, rather than allowing them to consume you. For the purpose of this article, we will focus more on injustices experienced in our daily lives rather than larger, world issues.

Acknowledge your feelings

It’s really important to give a name to your feelings and allow yourself to feel whatever comes up. I recently met someone who had been consistently ignored and overlooked by her brother, despite how much effort she made to maintain their relationship over the years. Acknowledging that she felt angry and deeply hurt, and allowing herself to express these feelings, were the first steps in healing from a relationship that was very one-sided and causing her harm.

Pause before acting

No matter how tempting it may feel to give someone a piece of your mind or hurt them as much as they’ve hurt you, don’t act whilst you’re feeling overly emotional. Instead, give yourself some time to calm down. This may involve stepping away from the situation temporarily, talking to someone you trust about how you’re feeling, seeking advice or simply giving yourself time to see the situation from a more rational place. Once you’re calmer, you’ll be in a better position to take action you won’t later regret.

Take the high road

Don’t get caught up in retaliation or the idea that you can teach someone a lesson. Hurting someone back may feel good at first, but this feeling will be very short-lived. If a situation or person is hurting you, hurting them back will do nothing more than create more negativity, hurt and anger. Choosing not to retaliate is a powerful step which will help you maintain a sense of inner peace and calm. As Mahatma Gandhi wisely said – ‘An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind’.

Don’t take on the victim role

Although you may actually be feeling quite sorry for yourself, and know that you don’t deserve whatever’s happening, be careful not to get stuck in a victim position. It may get you some attention in the short-term, but there’s nothing pleasant about being a victim. Not only does it keep you in a negative headspace but it disempowers you. Instead of taking on the ‘Poor me, look how people treat me’ attitude, replace with ‘Yes, this feels really crappy but I can do something about this’. It means taking responsibility for your feelings and your life, as opposed to blaming people and circumstances for what happened to you. So, using the example of the woman whose brother has been treating her unfairly, rather than feeling sorry for herself and expecting her brother to change, she may instead choose to focus on people in her life who do value and prioritise her rather than continuing to invest in a one-sided relationship.

Decide what is in your control and what isn’t

Put quite simply, there are things which are in your control, and things which aren’t. Take some time to think about the injustice you’re facing and whether or not there’s something about it you can change. For instance, if you’re not being appreciated at work, whilst a colleague is constantly praised and receiving recognition for their work, this may feel very unfair and unjust. You may want to think about whether there’s something you can do about the situation, like expressing how you feel to your manager or HR. That’s what you can control, your actions. However, you may have spoken up and the unjust behaviour
continues. Sadly, you cannot always control how others behave so you’re better off focusing on what you can do – look for another job, validating yourself and your work, not taking your managers behaviour personally, and so on.

Accept and let go

Once you’ve established what you can and can’t control, the next task is acceptance. We often find it hard to accept people or situations as they are, particularly when the same person disrespects or abuses us repeatedly. Acceptance isn’t about condoning bad behaviour or resigning yourself to situations which make you unhappy. Instead, it means removing yourself from an unhappy situation, creating boundaries or distancing yourself from people who harm you, knowing that your response is all you have control over. It may be useful to remind yourself, ‘It is what it is’ or ‘I can’t change this person, and that’s okay’, ‘I’ve
done all I can’, ‘I choose to let go’ or whatever words resonate with you. Learning to move past injustice rather than getting stuck in trying to control situations or people’s behaviour is tough but with time and practice it does get easier. Be patient with yourself in the process and don’t forget to reach out for support if you need it.